Help me to swim
I don’t want to drown
in a sea of lifelessness.

Can’t help but look at myself
and see the struggles I face
day to day…

It’s like a never ending cycle
of false hope and broken dreams

I keep reminding myself
that it will get better
someday….

I was never taught how to swim
watched everyone sinking around me
I have my head above water but I’m slowing sinking

Can’t help but feel as if it’s from my own
fear of what holding on to you would mean.

Would it means a life I am not use to?
Would it mean that I would lose the last bits of my life
even though I desperately want to throw it away?

Does anyone relate to this feeling?
A tug of war of what I should do and what I feel like doing.

A bubbling over of anger at life and at myself for being so unpredictable;

Never in my life had I felt the touch of happiness
it was always full of pain

I was hoping that now, I could feel that
but I’m stuck here

gazing at my fingers, wondering why they are still here.

Why is each and every finger still here?

Count to ten and let it all explode

one by one feeling each sorrowful memory
dissipate into nothingness.

When I feel like sinking

it’s because I look backwards

not forwards.

I’m distracted

and weak.

Emotions are obsolete in the world of faith.

It’s what we know…

Like I know I have ten fingers…

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