A Psalm of Meari

Why do I serve you Oh Lord?

Why do I call out your name?

When I was sick and my body broken

You placed within me a seed of faith

And it grew and grew and

You showed me the power you placed in me

To believe in your name

But then,

I manage to stumble and fall

And I begin to question it all

If I was who you said I was

If everything I trusted in you for

Was an illusion.

And as the days go by

I no longer want to see you.

In my heart I am angry,

because I feel unworthy to approach you.

I don’t even know how to cry out to you

And so I chose to hold all of it in.

My life is hard,

And you were the hope I cling to

your joy was the air I lived on

But when I saw the reflection of my cancerous sores

I’m reminded of how ugly, dirty and diseased I am.

And as I write this,

I am reminded that I am cancerous

Once I turn my eyes from you

The sores begin to bleed.

Only you can heal me

And each day, can you renew me.

To say I am perfect is a lie

When I know that I need you just to survive.

The proof of my salvation

Is the weight of guilt in sin.

The proof of my salvation

Is knowing that I need you

Just to feel right again

The proof of my salvation

Is the daily struggle just

To seek your face.

Because I need to see your face.

This is the proof of my need

And your love for me.

So even when I’m not my best.

You are.

Selah.

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